Bathroom humor

We are driving home from a party at my sister in laws house, and I make the mistake of making it known that I have a potty emergency and to please drive faster. You can't tell me that this has never happened to you. Back to my story. SO my seven year old takes this opportunity to share with us all the potty terms he has learned in the last few months. "Mom do you have some business to do at the Oval office?" " Do you need to Johnny on the spot?" "Are you going to go drop some kids off at the pool?" Okay, I have to admit that I laughed until I literally was going to pee. I had to make him stop talking potty talk. Not funny when you gotta go!

What movie are you going to?

My husband and I are getting ready to go out for a Father's day dinner and a movie. On the way to the baby sitter's house my five year old asks me what movie we are going to go see. I tell him that we haven't decided yet. He gets this look on his face and then tells me," If you go to a chick flick, then dad is going to throw up!" Apparently girl movies bring on vomiting in this house hold.....

Bonding with grandpa.....

Mommy log star date number 00254 rounded to the nearest decimal point. It is a rainy Saturday, and my husband is making caramel pop corn. He decides to take some to his folks house. My seven year old goes with him. They are gone for quite a while.
I am doing the dishes when they walk in. My seven year old comes running up to me and begins to tell me his happenings at grandpa's house. "Mom it was so funny! " he says. "Grandpa asked if I would help him shave his back hair off." You can only imagine the look on my face as he is telling me this! Oh, my seven year old thought it was so cool to watch the clump of hair fall off as he buzzed over it with the clippers.... At this point I can't decide if I should be grossed out or peeing my pants at listening to him tell me this! Needless to say he has officially bonded with grandpa more then a seven year old should..... Right? LOL!

I'm grounded

MY five year old comes in the house the other day and has a frown on his face. I ask him what is the matter? He looks at me over the top of his glasses with those pouty blue eyes and says" Mom I have to tell you something. I was out side playing, and I told my big dump truck a bad word. I told it to shut up!" Remember he talks with a lisp. I was surprised on this next part. He goes on to say before I could say anything back, " I think that I am grounded now." He walks into his room, climbs up the ladder into his bed, and lays there for quite a while. Did I mention that he is very dramatic about everything? It boils down to this. He was playing with his cousin who is a girl and was tired of playing with her. So he yelled at his toy truck, and grounded him self so he wouldn't have to play with her any more. I know, I know.

It's pronounced tattoo.......

My seven year old got a tattoo in his halloween bag. Being a kid he had to put it on right away!
He came strutting in to the kitchen to show me and my five year old yells," cool I want a tit tat toe too!"
I laughed so hard that if I would have had milk in my mouth it would have shot out my nose!

Who's your daddy?

We are driving home from church, and my kids are talking to each other about what it would be like to have two dads.
My five year old tells my seven year old that it would be cool. My seven year old says, " no it wouldn't because then you would have two dads yelling at you to get your chores done." My five year old gets this look on his face and tells him, " your right because we already have two bosses at our house, we don't need three." I am glad to see they refer to their parents as the boss.

Since your being a nice mom.......

I went to Park City, Utah over the weekend with my husband for our anniversary. My kids stayed with my sister. We got home in the evening, and the kids were tired. We get home, and I do my usual kiss and hug them because I missed them. I ask them what they did blah, blah blah...... my five year old informs me that I am a "really nice" mom after a vacation. Thanks I guess. Then I am tucking them into bed and he says, "mom since you are in a be nice mood right now, can you tell us a story?" Apparently I am a mean nasty mom on all other days. I must need to take a weekend getaway every week.

Today we are driving home from his preschool graduation practice, and he decides that he needs to remind me of the time that I locked his baby sister in the car. He said, " I think you lost your mind that day mom." Oh thank heavens that our kids remind us of our moments of idiocy! I don't know about you, but I have a lot of those days.